Abercrombie and Fat...

WOW!!! 

Yesterday this atrocity "Abercrombie & Fitch CEO Explains Why He Hates Fat Chicks" hit my Facebook feed… REALLY?? What timing!! Just when I had posted "Breaking the Mold"... However,  I actually scoffed at it because despite Mr. Jeffries claim that he didn't want ‘fat chicks’ wearing his brand… I CAN wear the guys XL/XXL T’s and Rugby shirts… therefore invalidating his argument that 'overweight women' can’t wear Abercrombie and Fitch stuff.  (BUT I will also NEVER wear another Abercrombie garment again due to his comments and my skinny, cute and cool son won’t either!) 

I took a gander at Ole Mr. Jeffries

Since Mr. J was being candid, let me say quite honestly - I don’t find him at all attractive or ‘cool’ (again, attractive is subjective to perspective, so I’m sure there are many out there who might find him to be ‘hot’, I’m just not one of them) —but I’m willing to bet he didn't grow up feeling like one of the ‘cool kids’ himself (or a fat chick broke his heart at some point in his childhood) and is projecting his insecurities on and helping to fuck up yet another generation of impressionable, media conscious youth.  

With garbage like this being thrown out there is it any wonder we have so many young girls with body image issues, horrible self-esteem and eating disorders? And young men who are bullied because they are different?  

Makes me sick to think my son will be growing up in this society- granted physically he could RAWK an A/F bag- he does have a BMI of 13.8 naturally.  But I want him to know it’s ok to love any body shape, composition whatever we want to call it… that’s one reason I want to LOVE myself- so he knows it’s OK to be who you are!!  (and to love who you want- regardless of their shape or size)

I do wonder if Mike Jeffries didn’t (hopefully) shoot himself in the wallet with this proclamation though- after all who does he think controls the cash flow that most of these younglings are blowing up in his stores?? Moms and dads… who don’t all fit his ideal customer base, and would disgrace his brand by stepping foot in his stores, who from what I’m reading are quite offended by his discrimination and refuse to allow their children to purchase/wear/sport Abercrombie and Fitch any longer—sure there are some young ‘uns that work and spend their own hard earned bling on his overpriced attire, but there are enough pissed off parents out there that he could possibly see a dip in his profits now that he’s put this crap out there.  Natural consequences…  just sayin’.

After reading this last night I took a long look in the mirror—at all the curves, imperfections, scars- each one makes me unique—and I actually went to bed feeling better about myself than I have in a LONG time.  Granted I didn’t want to get up this morning (I really wanted to sleep longer) but I even woke up feeling good about being ME.  Because mentally last night I broke one more mold- I don’t want to fit in to the ‘Abercrombie and Fitch’ “Core Customer” club- how boring is that?? 

Google Abercrombie model  (I'll wait while you do) and you’ll see a bunch of younger boys- well I CAN’T fit that image (I’m not equipped, my plumbing is quite different) and the few female models I saw didn’t seem to have any special attributes that set them apart from each other—granted these are just two dimensional images on a page and they may have some AMAZING personalities and they are pretty  ****I’m NOT bashing the models of Abercombie and Fitch only trying to analyze the concept of Mr. Jeffries mindset****  

Yeah,  I much prefer my curves, dips, rolls, scars and tattoos- they make me unique, set me apart and make me—ME!! And that’s pretty damn spectacular!!! So Mike Jeffries can keep his exclusive ‘club’—I’d rather be set apart even if I am considered one of the ‘uncool’ fat chicks! I’m cool with that!!!

Remember whatever size you are- you’re BEAUTIFUL just by being YOU!!!! 

Breaking the Mold...

A couple weeks ago I posted about how I have trouble ‘Rolling With It’ when it comes to Monkey Boy and the mainstream vs. Monkey Boy ideals… It’s bothered me for a while now as to WHY I really give two mouse farts as to what others think about him, me or how I handle things with him- then it dawned on me- I’m like that about EVERYTHING…

SO, WHY THE FUCK DO I CARE??

Because it’s been ingrained into me from childhood that it matters what society thinks!! I've been told that there’s this general idea of how I’m supposed to look, act, behave, raise my child, love and live for nearly FORTY years now… well it’s time I break that damn mold!!! 

I've never been one who REALLY wanted to conform, I always wanted to be ME— I've never truly fit into society's perfect little package—but I’d be damned if I didn't die trying because well, it's what you do... 

Let’s start with my HORRIFIC BODY IMAGE ISSUES-- I've tried and subsequently failed at every fad diet in the book because I have been told from a young age (starting about age 9-10); “You’d be so pretty if you’d just lose the weight”, “No one wants to be with a big girl”, “You’ll never have babies if you’re fat!”, “You look unhealthy- don’t you want to look healthy??” and my fave the simple “ You've got such a pretty face…” (Queue crickets chirping) Wow, really Grandma??  

Now at that stage of my life I wasn't even 'big' just thicker than what I was 'supposed' to be by industry standards, I danced in High School- Looking back, I was pretty darn cute! But never felt cute because I wasn't 'skinny'... 

1988- ME!!

The awe inspiring, confidence building comments only got better as I got older and tried to ‘become what was acceptable’ in the weight department- Not only did these comments destroy my inner confidence but they also shaped how I look at others - which is an awful thing- and so not fair, to me or to ‘others’!!

I put SO MUCH energy into trying to SQUEEZE into that mold that was set up for me back in 1973, that I didn't have energy for other things, I was too busy counting calories or figuring out if I walked this long on the treadmill how many calories that burned, etc. —I have been a slave to the scale and to the nagging voice in the back of my head (usually sounded like my mother honestly) saying “don’t eat that- you’ll regret it in the morning when you get on the scale!!” Then eating anyway just to 'show her I could do what the hell I wanted!'

The feelings of shame and failure didn’t help either- “What happened? You had lost all that weight and now it’s back…” (Said by an ‘authority figure’ I used to work under—who has never experienced being ‘the fat girl’)  WHO SAYS THAT TO SOMEONE??? Really???  Oh and THANKS for pointing it out, because I didn't notice when my ‘fat jeans’ became my ‘OMG these are too tight’ jeans???? 

Granted over the last six years I have gained a considerable amount of weight (how much is between me and myself) but do people really think they’re helping bolster any one’s self confidence when they make comments like that to people—and why should they care??  Especially when they haven't experienced what I have- what's brought me to this stage of my life? Are THEY so bent by the media they only see numbers on a scale and not who a person is beyond that?? 

I don't want to blame it all on the media but seems like just when we get a role model we (as bigger girls) can relate to they’re suddenly the next Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig ‘spokes model’... 

Jennifer Hudson

When the media tells us we are supposed to look like Jenny McCarthy not Melissa McCarthy.  (Who is absolutely BEAUTIFUL and funny to boot!)  It's hard not to be made to feel like you're not amazing because you're 'bigger'...

Melissa McCarthy/Jenny McCarthy

Recently I found another blogger The Militant Baker who I have just fallen in love with!! The more I read, the more I want desperately to adapt to her self-view… she’s OK with being WHO SHE IS - LIKE SHE IS… she doesn't give a rats ass what others think.  There was one particular post that was linked from a friends Facebook page—Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls...  can’t lie, I cried reading it!! I totally bawled!! I mean sobbed like a little girl…

So for today I’m going to end here—my head is about to explode with all the emotions and thoughts floating around in it- I’ll tackle the rest of the list of ‘what I’m supposed to be’ tomorrow or the next day… when we’ll look at how I’m apparently supposed to love, live and raise my child!!! Boy doesn't that sound fun?? I know I'm looking forward to it! YYEEEKKK!!! 

For now I’m going to work on liking ME- BIG, FLUFFY, ME!!! I’m going to find the things I LOVE about myself- PHYSICALLY not just ‘on the inside’ and flaunt them… I'm going to TRY to start dressing like I want, instead of hiding in sweat shirts and hockey jersey's because I'm afraid someone will judge me for wearing short skirts and sleeveless tops since I'm NOT 'little'. I'm going to  try to stop gagging when I go shopping and look for the positives instead!! I'm going to embrace the goddess with curves and even rolls that lies beneath layers of cardigans and big T-shirts. (Ok the cardigans may have to linger because it's cold as the north pole in my office! But they'll only be for warmth!) 

Now, it’s NOT—I REPEAT NOT going to happen overnight I mean I have 40 years to chip away at here folks but I’m going to break this cycle of hating my ‘self’ because I’m not what society has dictated I be- NO I’m NOT, I’m ME!!! 



I'm Simply Shonda!!! 

Ice Ice Baby.... WAY to Damn Cold!

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!! Finally it's FRIDAY, it' FRIDAY... no, this isn't an homage to Rebecca Black... I'm just glad it's the weekend- I've got some boxes to pack, it's going to snow more and I don't have anywhere I HAVE to go so it can snow all it wants until Sunday afternoon-- then it needs to melt so I can get my week started off on a good, less slippery note.  

Speaking of a good note, I got a call from one of the most precious people last night- she's the director of a program here on campus and an amazing educator. She's invited me to speak to one of her classes Monday night about my journey with Monkey- what was so awesome about this phone call was how things unfolded~ we ended up talking about some things I have been working through personally- she had no way of knowing these things and yet she called me just as I was dealing with them... I've learned when we let it, the universe has a way of placing the right people in the right place just when we need them-- BUT we have to be open to it... 

We also have to be open to loving and accepting ourselves-- right where we are-- not who we were 15 years ago or who we envision being in 5 years- but who we are at this VERY moment in our lives.  We all have this 'ideal-self', this pre-conceived notion of our 'best'.  While it's great to have a goal for ourselves, we can't love only that 'picture perfect self'.  We have to learn to love ourselves at the moment- if we don't love who we are RIGHT NOW- we can't become that ideal self~ those negative vibes will continue to hold us back.

Chances are the 'self' we see and loathe isn't the 'self' others see- as a general rule we are harder on ourselves than any one outside of us is going to be... It's like a two way mirror-- when we look in it, we see our flaws, our failures, that extra 15 pounds we can't seem to lose.  When others look at us through the mirror on other side they see our strengths, our beauty, our talents- they don't notice the scars and crows feet- instead they see courage and beautiful smiles.  

I know personally how hard it is to love yourself in the NOW- when I think of my optimum self it's five years ago, in fact only days before Monkey was born- I was thinner, vibrant, a little cocky and had the world by it's coat tails... I don't see myself that way anymore- but that doesn't mean I can't love ME right now~ as hard as it may be when I look in the mirror, I have to try to see me as others do.  

A cute story to bring it all home when "Brave" came out my hair was long and curly- quite like Merida's... the first time Monkey saw a preview for the movie he exclaimed "Dats mommy!! Mommy dats you!!!" I snickered because my mother had also said Merida reminded her of me when I was younger- strong, rebellious, didn't conform, etc.  (Even the way she wipes her face on her sleeve in one scene)  Monkey tells anyone who will listen that Merida and mommy are the same person... so when I cut my hair shorter than shoulder length one day on a whim I expected the comparison to stop- to me it was a visual comparison of my wild red-hair.   However, months later he STILL insists that it's Mommy in the movie- Why is that?? Because it's not a visual comparison, in his mind I AM Merida, he sees me as his 'hero', the stubborn willing to fight for what she believes in, Scottish Princess.  When I look in the mirror I see the chubby, buxom hand maiden, Maudie-- but Monkey will tell me... "NOOO dats not you-- THAT'S YOU!!" while pointing to Merida.  He is looking through the mirror from the other side.  

In order to truly love ourselves we need to look through the other side of the mirror.  So my darlings, I'm challenging you to do just that-- take a long hard look in the mirror, but instead of whining about what you see, think or feel--be BRAVE enough to view yourself as a loved one does, through the other side~~

Enjoy your cold weekend my lovelies!!! 
S~S