Roll With It

Let me preface this with a disclaimer-- I wouldn't change this little stinker~~~ what needs changing is how momma here handles some of the stress that comes with parenting Monkey Boy...

So Saturday we had game two of Monkey Boy’s extraordinary baseball team… of course he ran—and ran—and ran some more… not when he was supposed to or to where he was supposed to go but just randomly all over the field… Stopping on occasion to throw a ball to someone, to give someone a high five or his favorite game ~ smack mom on the butt— And I’m not going to lie—it made me anxious. 

Anxious someone would comment on the wild little boy running all over—the little boy who couldn't listen, who couldn't be still… That someone would comment on my apparent lack of parenting skills and how he just needs boundaries and discipline…

I suppose I’m still stuck a mindset of ‘mainstream’ and how I’m supposed to help him ‘fit into that mold’ although I KNOW he’s never going to just ‘fit in’, I subconsciously keep expecting any day it’ll happen- it’ll click in his little oddly wired brain and he’ll ‘get it’… but at the end of the day I’m left exasperated, worn out, exhausted, pooped and plain old disappointed… WHY???

Because I can’t just “LET IT GO”!!!

You’d think after five years, I’d have this down, but sometimes I forget when I look into those big brown eyes while he’s doing something SO typical of a 4/5 year old (since he’s a new five I will cut some slack there), I forget how we struggle to keep our little body in sync so we can just make it through the day.  I forget how we can memorize an entire movie script but we can’t remember that the stove is hot… I forget that we can’t process things as quickly and we repeat- sometimes we repeat, repeat, repeat until mom is blue in the face and frustrated- I forget our little body just doesn't always do the things we want it to and it’s hard to figure out how to catch a ball,  cut a piece of paper or various other fine motor things—

Then- just when I’m on the brink of tears, comes an “I love you mommy” or “I want to cwuddle you mommy” or my favorite—“I jus wanna hold you mommy, please!” And all the frustration, anxiety and tension is gone for a little while…

I’m working on letting it go- letting go of that picture of the typically functioning little dark skinned, dark headed, bright eyed boy I see in him—and to embrace WHO he is… he’s just HIM, and he's PERFECTLY IMPERFECT!! I’ve spoken on this before- on the grieving the little boy I thought I’d have… well it’s a process.  It’s one I’m still dealing with- obviously- DUH!! 

I was reminded by another very special momma this weekend that when he’s at baseball—they ALL get it—that’s why they’re there!! To just let him go… to let IT go… let him run, let him be silly, let him soak up all the love that’s on that field for him and special kids like him… no one there is going to judge him- no one there is going to think I’m a bad parent- just relax and let it go!!! She calls it her ‘happy place’—and boy don’t I need one of those?? Don’t we all?? Somewhere we don’t feel judged- where we’re accepted for just being ourselves??

Luckily Monkey Boy has his place- now for mom to figure out how to just take a deep breath, exhale slowly and LET IT GO!! 

What's Your Super Power?? .

Pretty plain and simple tonight folks... take a look at the video/stills and if you can help the agencies working the Boston bombing case PLEASE do so.... be one of those 'cape-less heroes' I want to be able to tell Monkey Boy about... FBI video footage, FBI PDF's .
If you have information, even if you think it's meaningless-- PLEASE contact the FBI at-- https://bostonmarathontips.fbi.gov/

Suspect 1

Suspects 1 and 2

Suspect 2

Thank you!!!!

S~S

What Boston has taught me....

As I watched the events of yesterday’s bombings in Boston unfold I couldn't help but think “How can I protect Monkey boy from all the ugly and bad in the world??”

Truth is…

I can’t…

I can’t protect him from every unpleasant or evil unfortunately; I don’t want to make him ‘scared’ of the world but rather aware.

I can…

However teach him: There ARE good people in the world, even in times of distress. I can teach him how to respond rather than react in times when the bad seems to outweigh the good.  I can instill in him that HE can be light in the darkness that surrounds tragic events like in Boston.  

For Monkey Boy it will be a little more difficult to teach him some of these things because of how his brain is wired.  When he’s ‘excited’ (good or bad) he instantly reacts- it’s what his brain tells his body to do- usually it results in a slap or punch to whoever is closest.  How will I teach him instead to respond, in a calm and thought out method? (I’m still working on that, only time will tell.) 

How do I teach him there ARE good people? Without exposing him to graphic images- I can tell him stories of REAL heroes, who don't wear capes, who selflessly help people who they don't know.  I can teach him to HELP, not to selfishly earn the title of ‘hero’, but just to help; because it’s the right thing to do.  He loves to help and comfort people even at the tender age of five- I can work to build that quality up in him so that he will continue to have the compassion and desire to be helpful, without recognition.  

I could honestly see in 15-20 years if he’s anything like he is now, in a tragedy like Boston, he’d be one going TOWARD the chaos; in part because of his reaction tendencies but also because he IS compassionate.  

What I can do in the meantime as he grows is shield him from the graphic images the media makes all too readily available- I CAN do that- for the most part.  He did happen to see some of the news coverage of Boston when we were out at a restaurant and decided he needed to sit next to me- I was facing the TV, all of which were replaying video from the blasts etc.  He asked what that was, I tried my best to shield him from it and change the subject.  Luckily, we left shortly thereafter and he was distracted and no longer paying attention to the screen. 

While I don’t want him scared of the world around him, I do want him to be aware of dangers that are present… there’s the basic, “Don’t talk to strangers”, “never leave your bag unattended” and stuff like that but I want him to understand that if he does see something ‘off’ to know it’s ok to alert someone who can check on it, be it mom, a police officer or other trusted figure~ to follow his instincts, if he’s uncomfortable with it- make someone else aware. 

Unfortunately, in the world and times we live in he will probably see more tragedies like Newtown, CT and Boston, MA as he grows up.  Hopefully he will only see them via the media- prayerfully I won’t have to worry about him reacting and not responding…

While there are many things I can’t protect him from, I CAN wrap my arms around him tightly, hold him, love him, support him and keep him as safe as possible. 

Remember tonight my lovelies, to kiss your children as they drift off to sleep- hell kiss them a few times before and after they’re asleep, let them know you love them!! Let them be YOUR light in the darkness as we go on with our daily lives in the wake of this most recent tragedy!! 

Swimming....Just keep Swimming

So yesterday Monkey had ‘play therapy’ (to help with all the adjustments he’s endured lately that his little body and mind can’t seem to wrap around) ANYHOW~~

There is a lot of ‘people’ at play therapy—little people—figurines… one has been marked as ‘mommy’, one as “Monkey” and one was “WoWzer” as well as everyone else in our lives… there’s also a sandbox and lots of ‘accessories’ for him to act things out with…

We started out in the ‘dollhouse’ and then in the car and finally we made it across the room to the sandbox which is referred to as ‘the beach’ (we've NEVER been to the beach but Monkey is DYING to go to one) So he starts taking all the figurines to the beach… his counselor looks over at his playing and whispers to me, “They’re all placed face down in the sand” the look of shock and horror made me get up and look into the sandbox—I was met with a “GO sit, Monkey playing!!” so I sat back down and agreed it was a bit spooky.  His counselor told me it was a little unsettling- there was only one figurine that wasn't face down and was in a chair it was “Daddy”… who’s daddy?? I HAVE NO CLUE!!! She kind of laughed when she said it made her think of a serial killer who collected bodies in the backyard… Yeah great way to make me comfortable about living w/him!! J J But it disturbed me as well- especially since I wasn't allowed over there to play.

Eventually mommy, Monkey and WoWzer went home while everyone else stayed face down in the sand at the beach… he did let me help him clean up when it was time to go~~ so I thought that was progress.

After session we were in the car as he enjoyed a Mango Smoothie and some French fries- I asked him “So, Monkey Boy… at Ms. C’s when you were playing with the people at the beach, what were they doing??”

“They was in da water” he replied between slurps of smoothie goodness.

“They were in the water? Were they swimming??” I asked anxiously awaiting the reply.

He looked at me like I was Fifty Shades of CRAZY, “Uh, YEAH- dey swimming” was the smart, sarcastically toned reply I got. 

THANK GOD!! He wasn’t plotting to kill me, just to let me drowned!! I feel much better about that!!

Today I called his counselor to let her know his explanation and she was also relieved…

But got me thinking—how often do we misinterpret things?? In his mind, in his imagination there was water in the box as well as sand—but how were we to know that?? How many times have you seen a child misbehaving in the store and thought it was bad parenting or just a ‘spoiled brat’? Or seen a child wearing a dirty worn shirt and thought their parents don’t care or they were poor?? Or seen a child in a restaurant under the table and thought their parents needed to gain control?? How many things have we misinterpreted??

Without knowing the full story we can only judge and it’s usually negatively—have you ever stopped to consider that misbehaving child is hungry or cold or wet and has no other way to communicate that need—even though they look 6-7 maybe they’re nonverbal and can’t just talk and tell mom what’s up, instead they scream… Or that the child in the dirty shirt refuses to wear anything else~ that maybe that shirt is their security and rather than upset them before an outing, mom lets them wear it—and maybe that little dark headed boy with the big brown eyes is totally overwhelmed by the noise level, smells, and sights in the restaurant and has sought solace under the table- where he’s not disturbing anyone but feels secure….

I suppose my thought for today is unless you know all the facts, don’t judge~~~ it could lead you to be stuck with your head in the sand when you could be swimming…

Hope every one of my pretties has a wonderful weekend!!

S~S

Where ARE my Keys???

Good afternoon my dearies!!!

I have missed talking with you- hopefully you've missed me too!! 

A LOT going on lately-- we moved... Monkey boy and I have moved into our own little home- WoWzer is living in his own space now too... so far I think it will help our sibling relationship.  I LOVE our new duplex... I think it's the nicest place I've ever lived in, and that's no lie!! Hopefully the Monkey isn't too loud and disturb the family next door!!

So anyhow I saw a quote today "Do not put the keys to your happiness in someone else's pocket~~Rather, keep them in your own." I don't know who said it originally or even have a name to credit for seeing it, it was one of those random internet things you see on occasion... ya know?? But it felt profound to me!! A reminder that true happiness comes from within- not from someone or something else.

All to often we place our sense of happiness and self worth on someone else's key-ring   Should we really burden them with that?? They may not even realize we've done that~ and then inevitably they will let us down.  They don't mean to, they just don't know they're carrying our keys on their key-ring and some folks end up carrying a LOT of keys. 

Think about the building manager who has a TON of keys on their ring for all the offices, store rooms, bathrooms etc (before locks were all electronic- and one card does it all) He had a key for all of those locks, imagine how heavy that ring is and if he lost one- someone would eventually be upset, right??

Giving the key to your happiness and self worth to someone else, anyone else is like making them the building manager of you~ this is true if they're your children, your spouse, your parents, co-workers who ever you've handed your key off too.  They're human and often times have let someone else carry their key as well... 

To be truly happy we need to take responsibility for our own set of keys- the key to our happiness should be kept locked in a pocket close to our heart~ so we are the only one with access too it- not saying that things others do can't make us happy- but it's a momentary happiness, not a deep seeded happiness... that comes from knowing we control our happy.

For example, I place a lot of my 'happiness' on Monkey Boy's key-ring so when he lets me down and I'm sad, that's not his fault-- it's MINE... I should keep that close to my heart- not expect him to provide my happiness or feeling of completion ~~ just as he shouldn't expect mom to carry his keys for him- he's nearly five, dude needs to learn to carry his own key! 

I mean seriously, you know who else carries a lot of keys (again before one card does it all) a jailer-- do we want to be enslaved to one person who carries our keys for us?? 

I know it's not really a profound post today- I'm tired and it's been a while- so prolific might not be in the cards for today, give me a little while to get back in the swing of writing and we'll get into some deeeeeep stuff.

But it is something to consider... I know a few folks I need to give their keys back to and a few people I need to have my hand out to asking for mine back!! 

I plan on keeping the keys to my happiness where they belong~ with me!! 

I'll be back soon my pretties!!! 

~SS~